Dealing with infertility really makes you be hesitant on a lot of things. When we found out we were pregnant the first time, we really didn’t have much time to sit on it before we miscarried. But the second time we found out we were expecting, we truly fell in love with our baby before we lost it. We took a trip to the beach, where we were looking and buying all kinds of baby things. We stopped at a book store and picked up a baby name book and two different color highlighters. I went through it and highlighted the names I liked with one color, he did the same with the other color- and we decided whatever names we BOTH highlighted, would go on a list. I was pretty sick that beach trip, but it was truly the happiest we had ever been. When we lost that baby, it was detrimental. We had gotten our hopes up, all the be crushed. With our first round of IVF, the way the doctors said it, it was a 95% chance of success! We were able to get excited again. Toys R Us was going out of business, we took a drive down and bought some things for our new potential baby! When we lost this baby as well, it really took a lot of the hope that we had had for the future. So, with our last IVF and miscarriage, there was no shopping or excitement.
Going through this adoption process, it has been hard for me to get over the top excited. Having been through so many heartaches, it felt as though I was just gearing myself up for another one. My husband would stop on occasion and ask, why aren’t you more excited?… and I would tell him “I am very happy, but its hard for me to get excited yet.” He could understand that, and we went about our everyday life. In the back of my mind, I still had this fear of the unknown. Fear that we were still just bracing for impact.
It wasn’t until I had breakfast with my best friend on Friday that I truly started to feel some joy in this process. The reason behind this joy you ask?…..Take a look at the picture below. She sent me home with ALL of this baby stuff! Normally, I would have been hesitant… and said… oh no we don’t need that. And I do think I tried to say that to her…. But she said No! You are going to need it!…. So… I took it. When I brought it home, my husband and I both were so excited to get it all out and try to see what it was all for. It was in that moment, that I truly realized that maybe… just maybe…. This might be our time! God was changing my heart, through a simple kind gesture from a friend.
During this… I also realized… that I don’t know what the heck I’m doing! HA!
We could be matched with a birth mother who lives in Denver, Colorado. We could get 1 day notice that we are matched, and have to pick everything up and leave immediately. We could miss the birth of our baby, and have to pick him/her up from an agency… forgoing all the education that the nurses provide you in the hospital. We could be stuck in the state we have to travel to for up to a month waiting on approval to bring our child out of state. We could, be given a couple months’ notice of our baby’s arrival, and have time to plan and get things in order. We could… we could… we could….
There are so many intricacies in this process, and we have to be prepared at any time to jump up and go! That is SO exciting! But just thinking about that, made me realize how ill prepared we are! If we were to get matched tomorrow… we would not be prepared at all! God has truly changed my heart in the past just 3-4 days! He has brought this excitement to me, and it has been awesome! I spent last night, looking at stuff on clearance at Target… and to think that I was doing that for my own baby… and not for a friends’… is still a little bit of a foreign concept for me!
SO…. All the fun things that happened this week in adoption world… you ready for them? Because.. God is working in some amazing ways. I had a friend text me earlier this past week and say “I just got to say, that once ya’ll started this process God has been opening door after door after door. So in case you ever wondered if this is God’s will, He is assuring you that IT IS!” …… and she is SO right!
1. Our home study was officially approved! We are just waiting on our notorized copy to be delivered via FedEx this week!
2. I was able to tell my boss about our adoption. This was a HUGE step for me. Most of you know I just recently accepted this new position, and have only been their for about 3 months. I was terrified to tell her about our adoption, I didn’t want her thinking I had taken this position and no was just going to up and leave them hanging! When I finally was able to tell her… she told me, that she had adopted 2 children as well and was super excited for me! That was a HUGE weight lifted off of me, and I think is another reason I was able to truly be happy this week!
3. We completed and ordered our profile book! This took many hours for me to put together, and we are so excited about how it turned out! This is the book that potential birth mothers will look at to determine if we may be a good match for their child or not! So, there is a lot riding on this!
4. I found a changing table on the Facebook yard sale page for super cheap! I was really excited about this!
5. We have officially raised $3,270 with our puzzle fundraiser! We are so blessed and excited about what God is doing with this puzzle! We have been able to talk with people about adoption, and about our hearts and really show Jesus within this process. Last week I set a goal to sell 250 puzzle pieces by Wednesday afternoon, and that goal was nocked out of the part! I set another (Rather ambitious) goal, of 370 puzzle pieces by tonight (Sunday night). As of right now, we are around 43 pieces short of that goal. I know we still have a few hours left in this day… and we could still sell 43 pieces, but the potential of not doing that… does give me some anxiety. However, every time I start to get anxious- it’s like God speaks directly to me… saying “I got this, I got you, You are following me plan for you and I will take care of you.” And just like that, my anxiety ceases. So, while I may not be anxiety free… I have a God who will show me that even when I’m not sure how things will work out, He gives me the peace of knowing… that that is up to Him not me!
So… Our puzzle is growing! We have sold 327 pieces (woot woot!). Will you continue to pray and donate if you feel led! If you don’t feel led to give… that is totally OK- and we want, you to really hear that from us! To us, it isn’t all about the money… its about the support! If you don’t feel led to give, could you share our fundraiser with everyone you know?! The only way to reach our goals is with your support!!!
$10 = 1 puzzle piece!
You can buy as many as you would like!
Cash/Check via mail! Just message us for our address!