So we have figured out a couple of things over the past couple of weeks…..
#1 adoption is expensive
#2 adoption isn’t easy
#3 adoption comes with heartbreak
#4 adoption comes with extreme excitement
#5 adoption is truly God’s plan for us!
Starting this process, we thought the home study part would be the hardest… that was someone digging into your personal life and going through your house. But… we were wrong, that was easy!
Then we thought getting the money would be the hard part…. But God has truly blessed us and continues to do so! While we don’t have all the money we need, we know that God will provide! He has laid on our hearts a different fundraiser for the month of February! (Stay tuned… we are super excited about that!)
Then we thought…. We were on easy street! We had passed through all the red tape… now we were just waiting on our baby!
I can tell you with upmost certainty, that the hardest part has been not being able to take EVERY baby we have been presented with. In the past 2 weeks, we have been presented with 8 different cases (WOW!). These range anywhere from… a situation where drugs and alcohol are a huge issue…. to them being way to expensive for our budget. For me, a person who would take EVERY baby…. It has been SO hard to say no to some of these super difficult cases. I just want to say- YES… GIVE me them ALL! I NEED to save them! I NEED to bring them home! BUT…. That is not the plan that God has for us…. and he is making that very clear.
Last week, while at my mom’s for family dinner, we got an email for a case that was a great situation! Even down to the birth parents’ names…. And the due date of the baby… everything was just fitting together perfectly the only thing… was that the projected costs were a little bit out of what he had originally thought we would have to spend. I truly didn’t know what to do. Our heart said YES…. Our bank account said…. Maybe.
In my head… the only thing I could think of… was THIS IS NOT FAIR! It’s NOT fair that money is what is holding me back from presenting our profile to this beautiful case! I was upset, and frustrated! My family was so excited, because we had gotten a case that seemed like it could work out…. questions were coming a mile a minute from everyone…. And I just absolutely lost it.
This was the moment… that I realized… this was NOT the easy part. With my families help (thank goodness), and my wonderful husband…. I was able to get my breath and calm down a bit.
As a family… we all sat around the table (along with my super saver of a step dad) …. And decided… that we could do this. With some more fundraising, we could most definitely make this happen. SO…. We decided that we would present our profile to this birth mom.
We were so excited. I truly felt a connection with this birth mom from the moment I read the case. I just KNEW that this was the family that God had placed in our lives! So…. We wrote our birth mom letter, and submitted it along with our profile book to be presented to the birth family.
What I want to point out here… is those 2 things are the only things that this birth family sees about us. It is so frightening to know… that our entire future, could be riding on a letter and a picture book. We decided to take a hiatus from Facebook and just relax for a week…. Hoping to hear something back from the birth mom soon! In my heart and soul… I KNEW that this was our baby… I knew that we were going to be the ones she picked…..
24 hours went by… we heard nothing…
72 hours went by…. we heard nothing…
5 days went by…. we heard nothing….
7 days went by…. we heard nothing….
So, when we got an email today…. That said she picked someone else…. It hurt. It hurt real bad. I hadn’t even met this birth family…. But yet I was already SO attached… in JUST a week! I felt like I had done something wrong, that I wasn’t good enough, that I was a failure. I felt like I let my family down, because they were so excited as well…. These were all the same emotions that I felt with each of our miscarriages as well!
When I think back on the past week… we were so excited at even the thought of being able to bring a baby home…. We were so excited about the situation, that we just JUMPED on it. (You kind of have to jump on them, because you often only get 24 hours to respond to the cases) …. But you know which part we missed?
We missed the part where we ask God if this is the case He wanted us to present to. We forgot the part where we put this in God’s hands… and let Him take the wheel. We forgot the part where we stop and listen for God’s plan instead of what we think the plan should be…. we let our excitement, and our nerves, and our anxiety… over rule God’s plan for us….
If I would have taken a step back last Sunday… and prayed about this case and gave it a minute to really sink in and let God speak to us…. we may have found out… that this wasn’t at all the case that God wanted for us. This week may not have been so anxiety ridden. I wouldn’t have had to check my email 270,000,000 times to see if we had gotten a response yet…. IF I would have just given it to God… and stepped out of the way…. letting Him take over the situation… He would have given me a peace that ONLY He can give.
So Moral of the story here…. Be patient, and persistent and in God’s timing… He will ALWAYS provide.
So now… we continue this road to finding our perfect situation! Each time I open my email and see a new case there… it is another burst of excitement! So will you pray for some specific things?
1. Pray that we stop and listen to what God would have us to do in EVERY situation.
2. Pray that we wouldn’t jump the gun just because the it looks good on the surface
3. Pray for my heart and mind… that God would give me a peace and understanding that I don’t have to save everyone… that’s His job.
4. Pray for our finances, that we would make the best decisions that we can- and that we wouldn’t over extend ourselves just for the perfect case.
5. Pray for our family, as they have been right there along with us reading these cases and helping us pray through them.
6. Pray that when we get turned down again (because lets face it… it probably will), that I will remember that this is not a hit against me- but rather the wrong situation for our family in God’s eyes.
7. Pray for our potential birth mom, that she would have a peace about her decision to give her baby up for adoption. That she would know that her baby will be loved and cared for no matter what.
8. Pray for our potential baby… that God would protect it and keep his arms around it.
9. Pray for our fundraising…. That God would continue to bless it!
10. Pray for both Cody and myself…. That we would continue to work together, pray together, and lean on each other during this time!