waiting… waiting

While we are still in the waiting period…. We have been so blessed by so many things! As we mentioned in our live (if you haven’t seen it… go check it out!)…. We have been through some trials that we never thought we would face- and God has blessed us in ways we couldn’t have imagined.

We have officially been clients of our consultant agency for six weeks. In these six weeks, we have seen at least 18 situations. That is at least 18 babies who need homes. 18 birth moms who need help. 18 families whose lives are changing. 18 adoptive parents who are that much closer to bringing their baby home.

In those 18 cases, we have presented to approximately 4 cases. By “presented” I mean… that we have written a letter to each birth mom… we have sent our profile book with the letter to her, and she has gotten to see our hearts through paper. The only thing these birth moms know about us… are what we are able to put into words. It makes those letters SO hard to write.

Just sitting here writing this to you…. I feel so guilty that we have only presented to 4 cases. 4 out of 18?! That sounds ridiculous. See… we started this process out with so many absolutes. In the beginning of this process, this was our criteria:

· Closed Adoption- Although we would accept a semi-open adoption dependent on the situation

· No Drug abuse- we were not open to a mama who did any type of drugs during pregnancy

· A very specific budget- we were set on a budget, and thought we knew what we were doing

· Race- (before you get all crazy on us…. we didn’t have a specific race we just wanted to know we could care for our child no matter what)

My oh my…. How things have changed…. It all started with this story from one of the ladies that works for our consultant (with names changed for obvious reasons… PS: Thank you Taylor for letting me share)…

“I wanted to come in here and have some real talk for a minute.

X’s birth momma called today.. it’s been weeks since I heard from her and my heart unashamedly was breaking. Momma X’ is a prisoner, she will be there for many more years, prison is a horrible place to be and every fiber of my being JUST wants to hear that she’s doing ok. She owns her mistakes, she is a brilliant and beautiful woman who was raised in generations deep of extreme poverty and was involved in the wrong crowd. She’s had a hard time there, she’s been honest with us about her experiences and every night I have prayed that even if we don’t hear from her again that she just survives.

Today she called, she shared that she’s taken a few weeks to focus on her relationship with the Lord and in him healing her depression. She’s been going to church and has a great women’s bible study group. She was moved to a better unit and she spent her time in prayer making gifts for all of my kids.

This is why. THIS is why. My heart is over here bursting of happiness and proudness not “like” she’s family but because she IS family. Her genes run through my sons blood and those genes are what make him so amazing. My birth parents and I share many similar quirks, but who I became as a human was all kudos to my parents. Who he becomes will be a product of how we raise him, but all the little details that make him perfectly unique belong to Momma X and I am secure enough in our love that I can relish in that.

Don’t be afraid of birth moms. Be afraid of how shocked you’ll be when you realize you LOVE them. Don’t be afraid of openness. Instead he SHOCKED how broken yet proud you feel when they start to let you go little by little. Don’t be afraid of your child’s love for them, be SHOCKED by the love they have for all of your children. There is nothing shy of miracles when two women can come together and love a child so shamelessly. Hoping to “escape” the process without having to deal with your child’s biological mother would be missing out on the chance to bring another soul to Jesus – and that soul at one point held your child, chose their life and kept them safe. Don’t be afraid.

She hung up, because we get cut off at 10 minutes, and promised me she would call me again tomorrow. You will find me clinging to my phone, because she’s family. Period.”

I can’t tell you how much this opened my eyes. How much it showed me that God works in crazy ways, and maybe just maybe we could be used to further his work through a birth mama. It was that minute… that very second….that God changed my heart about the KIND of adoption we could/should have. It was that very minute- that God showed me, that this wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about what I want, and what I thought was best… but it was about what HE wanted, and what HE thought was best.

So, let me just remind you… that even when you think you have it all figured out. Even when you think that God is in control and you aren’t…. take a step back and make SURE that is what is happening around you. God changed both mine and Cody’s hearts in the blink of an eye… and now he has opened SO many more doors for us!

SO ask me this time next week how many we have presented to… and I assure you that number will be much higher! 

And stay tuned….. I’ll touch on other aspects of our “absolutes” in the next few days…. Because when God does AMAZING things in your life… you have to SHOUT it to the rooftops!!!!

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