About 2 weeks ago, I wrote this in my journal…. I was so scared, afraid, and unsure that we were doing the right thing. So many thoughts were going through my head, and I honestly didn’t know what to make of any of them. I had thought God had told us when we first started this process that adoption was in our future, but I started to second guess myself.
Now I can sit here and tell you that it was the devil getting into my head, but 2 weeks ago- these were some raw feelings. I wouldn’t say that I was necessarily “mad” at God, but I was so confused. Why bring us this far, and just stop? Why was he so close at one time, and then he just left? What happened? Did he not like me anymore? What did I do wrong?
The answer to all of those questions is simple…. It wasn’t Him…. It was ME! He didn’t move. He didn’t stray. He has been there all along, and it has been ME that moved.
We were blessed with the opportunity last weekend to attend the Promise Summit. I have to be honest…. I was quite skeptical when we first booked our tickets because it wasn’t the cheapest thing out there. We knew we wanted to learn more about adoption, and maybe find some other people who could walk this journey with us, so we bit the bullet and bought our tickets. I’m here to tell you… that that was one of the best decisions that we have made.
We really didn’t know what to expect… I was prepared for anything- but Cody wasn’t too excited to be sitting listening to speakers for 2 days straight. I don’t think I realized when we booked the tickets, that it was a Christ centered conference. To be honest, for the past few weeks we have both been feeling a bit burnt out by this whole process- so this conference couldn’t have come at a better time.
There were several speakers throughout the conference, each one of them were phenomenal in their own way. They had asked that several speakers talk about a promise that God gives us from the bible. It just so happens, that each of the speakers spoke about the SAME promise (without even realizing it!) In my opinion, this was God’s way of saying…. This is what you need from me…. take it in! So, we did just that!
The promise they spoke of was that of God’s presence. God is present in all things, no matter big or small. No matter if we ignore Him, get mad at Him, or embrace Him…. He is always there. There is a saying “ God always speaks in a still small whisper”.
One of the speakers made such a great point… How can you hear God’s whisper if you are far away? In order to hear His whisper, we have to be close to Him and pursuing Him with everything we have. You can’t hear someone whisper to you if you are 50 feet away, you have to be right up close to them and listening intently…. That is exactly what we have to do with God. In order to hear his whisper, His still small voice- we have to be right up close and embracing Him!
I don’t know why this was such a light bulb for me… but it was. Maybe God had been talking to me the whole time… but it was in a whisper and I coulnd’t hear Him because I wasn’t close enough. The only thing I had to do, was move myself.
This was a resounding revolution for me, and I took it to heart! So I have taken that seriously and I have been all in with God. I have been diligent about my prayer life, diligent about talking to God, diligent about my worship with God, and diligent about just being near Him.
Since making THAT a priority in my life instead of “adoption”- God has TRULY been right here with me. He has made it abundantly clear that we are on the right journey. He has made it abundantly clear that He is right here with us! He has made it abundantly clear… that our time is coming, we just have to wait!
When I think about our future baby… it gives me chill bumps to think that God had this baby picked out for us way before we were even thought of. He promises to give us the desires of our heart, if we just cling to Him and trust Him. I can’t wait to see this beautiful baby that God has planned for us!
One other thing that I am learning this week…. Is that this journey- this thing we call “adoption” is NOT the point, but instead it’s the POINTER! When I was able to take adoption off of a pedestal and put God there instead- He has shown me that He can be glorified through this whole process. Through the up’s, down’s, and side-ways…. He will be glorified! So that is my prayer this week…. That God would show me how to use adoption as the pointer…. Instead of making it the point!
With ALL that being said…. we are going to ask that you would pray for AND with us! God has called us to love these birth mama’s and that is exactly what we want and are going to do! We also have a big weekend ahead for multiple reasons, so if you can just keep us in your thoughts, and prayers we would greatly appreciate it!